have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
