she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
