I hate all girls vehemently.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
