what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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