I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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