I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
