i'm signing you up for texting rehab
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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