genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
