my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
