She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
