The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
