Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
