wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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