I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
