I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
