remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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