you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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