porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
