I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
