He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
