Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
