Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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