he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
