If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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