Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i came on her dog
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
