Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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