If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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