Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
