She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
