I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
