garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
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