guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
