just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
