EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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