How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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