My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
