I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
