she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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