He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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