I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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