Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize