I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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