It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
