i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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