I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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