and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
