Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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