I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
