i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
