i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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