Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He did a backflip because drugs
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
