i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
