Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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