oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
