Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
