Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
