I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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