he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize