How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
