i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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