thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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