I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
