I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
