nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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