I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
