i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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