after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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