i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Randomize
