just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
