Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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