I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We left the knife in your bed.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
