i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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