I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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