lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize