after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
